Buffalo girl Rani Mukerji coaches cupcake Shahid Kapoor on the gentleman’s game of cricket as she bounces off his balls.

Dil Bole Hudh-ippa! If you can overlook my mild outburst and still want me to give you a fair assessment of what I make of this Yashraj produce, then please read on. When has Yashraj championed the progress of cinema, as with Dil Bole Hadippa they take you back to the dark ages of make believe cinema where anything goes; then it was shortage (of fitting actors not available for the part) now it is celeb wattage (of a female actor masquerading as a man- a woman takes on the male bastion - balle-balle; ballsy!).

Rani Mukerji does pull it off as only a Yashraj character can. Why did we buy Shah Rukh Khan’s duplicity in Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi- a film where a fully ripened bride can’t tell her husband from her friend- who is one and the same person! Was she frigging blind or what? That’s not fair on her. We, as audience wanted to sit through the yarn to amuse ourselves at her relentless gullibility at not getting it. The pursuit is as much her’s as it is ours – and that as cinema’s oldest trick in the book is cunningly dangled by the biggest production house in the country as the golden carrot to fatten us.

If it is a Yashraj film then India is apna pind Punjab, where Anupam Kher lives close to the Wagah border and has a friend Dalip Tahil who lives sarhad paar. They both meet once a year to play a friendly cricket match to strengthen dip-lo relationships between the two warring countries. The cup is called Aman cup- and it is for bhai-chaara. Lovely! For 9 years Anupam Kher’s team is losing to his friend’s team when he decides to call upon his son Rohan (Shahid Kapoor) from England who is being sought by English clubs for his balle-baazi to come back to desi pind and help him win one cup. Veera (Rani Mukherji) works for a Jigri Poo – actually Jigri Yaar nautanki, where Shanno Amritsari (Rakhi Sawant) shimmy-shimmies to Aishwarya hits. Veera’s one ambition in life is to be the opening batsman for the local team India Tigers- which has been losing to Pakistan Champs. She can score chhe-ball-pe-chhe-chakke. She gets selected in Shahid’s new team after she shows him her talents dressed as a fragile Sikh boy with a sandpaper voice. Love-songs-drama-and finally the trophy. You know the rest.

In a week when District 9 is raking in millions of dollars, why is it so difficult to digest home-made bull dung? Did I say bull dung? I mean buffalo sh*t. Shahid Kapoor affectionately calls Rani ‘buffalo girl’ as she soldiers on. Yashraj has also been milking her as one. She’s The Man (Did I give away the source?). Rani Mukerji is effortless, and the film belongs to her- looking worth a million bucks (as much as the aliens in District 9 cost I suppose) – one can say this film is a great follow-up for Rani on her Bunty Aur Babli character- sweet and perky. Shahid Kapoor’s charm as her leading man is a wonderful foil to her vivacity. Their chemistry is like caramel on popcorn- instant rush.

Rakhi Sawant, when not performing her nautanki numbers, is seen busy waving the Indian flag for her team when she should have been the cheerleader gyrating instead. Sherlyn Chopra has a moment when she descends into a stadium in her itsy- bitsy dress and lathers globs of sun tan on her waxed legs, which should have been cream off the Punjabi lassi-latte. Anupam Kher’s homilies are tedious, but short so you are not offended.

Two things I learnt from this eye-opener Yashraj pickled produce – Rani educates us in her climax speech that Sunita Williams has been to the moon. Who else could have put a woman on the moon? The ever reliable Yashraj! The guy who plays the Pakistan team’s captain, used to be my flat mate when I moved to Mumbai a year ago. Again, Yashraj to the cross- border brotherhood! The universe could be fitted into Yashraj studios for sure.

The film is being tagged as ‘Nach karenge, touch karenge, aaj toh hum too much karenge.’ Touche!

Manish Gaekwad / Hill Road Media