Is a goulash of the worst possible ingredients to upset your tummy.

In my opinion, Randeep Hooda isn’t as charming and handsome as he is made out to be. He isn’t the drool-worthy guy that every girl dreams about. And he has a knack of picking or being chosen for the most boring movies on the planet. Mere Khwabon Mein Jo Aaye (released earlier this year) was a complete drag and more of a nightmare. Love Khichdi could have been a fun rom-com film but it’s too long, badly written and Randeep as a playboy isn’t yummy enough to eat. The film is a copy of TV series Kitchen Confidential. As an afterthought, it is a bad and long-drawn version of the entertaining Bachna Ae Haseeno. Ranbir Kapoor, however, was very funny, convincing and lovable as the handsome and sexy womanizer, Raj.

So there is Vir Pratap Singh, a chef in a five star who wants to have all the sex in the world without commitment. Cooking up his khichdi of fantasies are his voluptuous maid Sonali Kulkarni, adolescent neighbour Riya Sen, rotund neighbour Divya Dutta, married bookshop owner Rituparna Sengupta, model and dancer Jesse Randhawa, horny businesswoman Kalpana Pandit and his best (platonic) friend Sada who loves him. At the end of the very long film, he marries you-know-who.

Randeep Hooda’s brown hair must be re-coloured straight away. The tan isn’t appealing. He needs to wipe that smirk which says I-am-God’s-gift-to-womankind straight away because he totally isn’t! Signing up for acting classes would be a good idea.

The movie has no memorable or funny dialogues which is something you yearn for in a romantic comedy.

Pritam must have been totally tired or in a really bad mood while composing music for this film. The choreography is pathetic. The screenplay is poor. The seven different stories seem individual and episodic and would make good as a serial; they do not culminate into anything meaningful. The climax is super predictable. Randeep is serious and then he breaks down. It all looks strange. The kitchen scenes between Randeep and love guru Saurabh Shukla are boring. Yes, I was very bored during the film. Even the talking-to-the-audience bit (which Rahul Bose did in Pyaar Ke Side Effects) was laboured and yawn-worthy.

Of all the actresses, Riya Sen, Divya Dutta and Sonali make a mark with their tired and testy parts. Sada looks pretty. Why is Rituparna wasting herself in such movies or in Bollywood? Jesse Randhawa looks the part of a supermodel. Duh! Why was this Love Kitsch-ri to be cooked in the first place itself, can only be answered by the director Srinivas Bhashyam who has arrived from nowhere to hopefully evaporate when the pressure cooker lets off steam in a whistle.

If you head out the the theatre expecting to see a sex romp where women are drooling over this rake, then be warned, you'd rather be picking up vegetables to spice up your soup at home. This is the weekend of bad movies. Love Khichdi isn’t edible. It has neither flavour nor love. Do not taste! Have homemade khichdi or order dal khichdi from your favourite restaurant.


Janhvi Patel/Hill Road Media